“I’ve never signed on in my life, and I’ve worked every day since I was 15. I’ve worked more hours in a week than you’ve done in your life”

Spoken as if the words were to lacerate the throat of another, and lasso their tongue before it ran wild with accusations of idleness or dependency. Not all things are said in jest, and not all words were spoken together, yet in unison they speak of father and son.

Hereditary hate hidden here, for anything other than blue, when we speak it’s lain bare. For years the conversations were poorly controlled passes, their intentions always best placed just never received. It was a breakdown in communication and an evaporation of commonality with no real indicator as to its source.

I never felt the need to be similar to the others, but I knew the differences created distances.

“Why don’t you sign on?” seemed like an acceptance of failure, a challenge to my nature. It was never that, but the idea of working every god given hour was indoctrinated into me.

I had to unlearn it, because there was a dissonance that would dissipate.

This work has been made by Adam Neal as part of a Micro Bursary he was recently awarded. The bursaries are intended to share how artists are responding to the unprecedented circumstances of the current Covid-19 pandemic.

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